Our resident corporate Agony Uncle, CEO Ken Cheng, tackles business challenges – so you don’t have to.
Dear Ken Cheng,
I borrowed my co-worker’s favourite mug for tea and unfortunately I broke it. I’m worried about bringing it to her – what should I do? Should I tell her?
– Jaime, Sunderland
Ken Cheng:
Never, ever confess to something when you don’t have to. This isn’t the Catholic Church, Jaime.
Secondly, start learning how to use the passive tense. You did not break the mug while you were using. No. The mug was broken while it was being used.
Thirdly, as soon as you owe someone something, the power dynamic shifts against you forever. Don’t ever get into that position.
Do everything you can to lie, obfuscate, filibuster, misdirect and deceive. Anything to avoid taking responsibility.
Responsibility is weakness. And weakness is total defeat.
Use the standard three-fold lying technique:
- Say you returned the mug unbroken
- Say it was already broken when you borrowed
- Say you never borrowed it in the first place
Even though these three statements contradict each other, it is good to throw them so many lies they can barely keep up.
I’d even throw in:
- The mug isn’t even broken now
- That was your mug all along and she’s stolen it, broken it, and owes you a replacement
Eventually, she has no choice but to leave you alone.
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