Our resident corporate Agony Uncle, CEO Ken Cheng, tackles business challenges – so you don’t have to
Dear Ken Cheng,
Have you ever got in a fight at work? I mean a physical one. How did that go down?
– Samson, Gloucester
Ken Cheng:
Picture this scenario. I walk into the office and everything seems off. Everyone’s acting shifty. Not giving me eye contact. They all seem to be hiding something.
I’m in the elevator riding up. One look at one of the interns, Daniel, and I immediately know what’s up.
It’s the exact situation I feared. They’ve all plotted a coup against me.
I bee-line straight to my office. If I get there in time, I can stop this whole thing. I just need to get there before they do.
Too late. I get jumped by two software developers. They’ve been training for this. Unfortunately for them, so have I.
I dodge a flying kick, then block the other’s right hook. I grab his arm and throw him into a printer/photocopier. Before I can say “I’ll have 100 copies of your ass”, a third jumps in.
Dodge, karate chop. Sandra’s down. I see four more coming from the elevator. Two words: staple gun. Rat-at-tat-tat. Three of them flee at the sight of my unrivalled accuracy.
The last one, Kieran, knows no fear. We struggle, he knocks me down onto the floor and my weapon is gone. He laughs in my face, then notices his tie has been stapled to the cubicle wall. Adios sucker.
I make it to the office and go to my emergency safe. Inside is a gas mask and a big red button. It says “non lethal gas: use only in desperate coup-like situations.” I put on the mask and press the button.
Everyone is knocked out unconscious.
This has not yet happened, but is exactly what I’d do if everyone tried to coup me. I think about this scenario every single day I walk into work. It’s good to be prepared.
To have your business issues addressed or to book Ken Cheng for your event: kenchengcomedy@gmail.com
