Our resident corporate Agony Uncle, CEO Ken Cheng, tackles business challenges – so you don’t have to
Dear Ken Cheng,
My 8 year old nephew cheated during a board game when my sister came to visit. How do I teach this child that cheating is wrong?
– Joanna, Chester
Ken Cheng:
You don’t.
Cheating is a healthy part of life, whether it be in a board game to dominate your family members, in a legal business context to avoid going to prison, or on your romantic partner because you are a bit lonely.
Instead, teach him the dangers of cheating the only way possible: cheating back against him. You’re an adult and you’re getting bested by a child at cheating? You have years of experience.
A child once cheated at an egg and spoon race at a family gathering. They dropped the spoon when running over the finish line but caught it just before and the judge (my cousin) did not notice because he was 6 beers in.
I could’ve shouted shenanigans and got the kid disqualified, but no, I plotted my revenge.
A year later at the same gathering, I had come fully prepared. I bought a special adhesive that was undetectable to the human eyes, and through a complicated hand-off system was able to switch out my regular spoon for the rigged spoon.
Knowing that my egg could not be dropped, the egg and spoon race was easy. I played aggressively knowing I was in no danger and crushed the race.
Do I feel bad about cheating? No. The child cheated first, and created a nuclear arms race of cheating. When someone threatens nuclear war, make sure you have the biggest nukes.
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